jar of depression

i’ve been in sort of a funk today… just thinking about what’s happened this year. or lack of. can’t believe 2k is almost over and don’t have much to show for it. i think i’ve had more negative milestones then positive… lessee… the coolest company i ever worked for ran out of cash and laid us all off… got shot down by a girl i liked… my black truck got keyed ($2000 repair so i’ll stick with the scratch)… one year older and i still haven’t moved out… the good milestones? got a higher-paying job and work with some people from my last job… went to a pearl jam concert and got to catch up with some old friends… and i think that’s it. came nowhere close to the coolness that was 1999. ah well… i have one more month to see if i can make up for it. been listening to this Alice in Chains song, “Nutshell”, the whole day today because it totally fit my mood. (and no, i’m not suicidal)…

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can’t be my own
I’d feel better dead