last kiss

i had a dream last night that was an absolute mindphuck for the whole day. in my dream, i was with Tracy, and we kissed. it was the perfect kiss, and it felt so real. it was at that moment that i felt this undescribable feeling of happiness, relief even, and that everything was right again in this world. i thought we were back together. it was shortly after this that my alarm clock went off with a harsh and unforgiving tone — a cruel but appropriate reminder that all this was only a dream. i layed there in bed, now very awake, feeling pretty upset and pissed that this was only a dream. just last year, i was living this dream. right now, we’re just friends and i still absolutely adore and love her to death and i’d do anything for her, but knowing her needs and wants, i feel like chances are slim to none that we’ll be getting back together. with each passing day, it’s become easier to accept that i have to let go and let her do what she needs to do for her own happiness. but dreams like this that totally fuck with me… well… it’s just hard to deal with.

i’m starting to get into “too much info for public consumption” territory, so this ends here. signing off.. confused.