losing sleep over my friend

it hurts to see a good friend down. she's been on my mind pretty much all day. she just recently got her heart broken and hasn't been the same person since. i know that she's going through all kinds of emotions right now — a rollercoaster between sadness and rage. i spoke to her earlier today and we made plans to hang out but then later she sent me a text message saying she wasn't feeling well and wanted to be alone. totally understandable, but i just wanted to be there for her. and that was the last i heard from her. i sent her another msg a few hours ago, because i was getting paranoid and worried. she popped into AIM after that and i said “hey” but got no reply, and she signed off shortly after that.

**depression**

at least i know she's okay, but dammit i feel so helpless! i really really wish there was something i could do or say, but i can't get past these walls she's putting up. she's probably thinking she's nobody special and not worth losing sleep over but she couldn't be further from the truth. without even realizing it, she's had a part in making me a better and happier person. i'm not as afraid to take some time off and make plans to have some fun and loosen up. heh, i'm slowly but surely whittling away at the 100+ hours of PTO time i still have. she has taught me ways to relieve stress at work which has saved me many times over *wink*. she introduced me to all kinds of kick ass new music just when i was starting to lose faith. she was always there for me to pick me up when i was feeling down, sick, stressed, angry, and we've shared plenty of good laughs at Bozo's expense too.

to my friend: i feel like i owe you soooo much, and i want to be there for you too. i want to see you smile again! much <3, eric